It’s 7:45pm on December 31, 2013 and it feels like the perfect time to get this party started. I’ve spent the past several days wasting time on things like background colors, fonts and paragraph spacing, which in true form is another excuse for me to delay what I consider the inevitable. I need to write. Like an oxygen mask dropping from the overhead compartment on a crashing plane, I feel like blogging is going to be my lifeline as I write, process and regroup from the chaos of my daily life.
In the past year:
Daughter #1 almost died for the umpteenth time. 10 years of anorexia has taken its toll and although she’s medically stable now, she’s not committed to recovery.
Daughter #2 has spent the past two years desperately trying to have a baby, while daughter #3 became pregnant by accident.
20 year old only son, who has yet to “find himself,” finally moved out to live with his girlfriend of two weeks, only to return six weeks later as a genuine redneck.
I struggled through a complicated relationship with a man that stripped me of my self-confidence and self-respect, leaving me with a feeling of confusion about who I truly am along with accompanying guilt.
Toss in a job change, the loss of a pet, going to school full-time to become a writer (a little irony for your reading pleasure) and living a meager paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle which allows minimal feel goods, and I’d have to rate 2013 “The year of SUCK.”
I am a 49 year old, single empty nester who is ready to figure it out.
Those that know me, will tell you I’m always positive and very happy. They even use annoying words like “chipper” and “perky.” Unfortunately, I’m not always positive and happy, and that’s where this blog comes in.
My therapist thinks I need to merge the two. Ha!
She assures me being a bitch now and then doesn’t preempt people from liking you.
She equates my persona with my fear of rejection. Ha again!
I will write.
I will be real.
I may even be a bitch now and then.
If you’re offended, I’m sorry. Please feel free to leave. If you can relate, please drop me a line. I could use a little reassurance.
I have one goal and that is to write. It may be about something profound. It may be to complain. It may be to rejoice. It may be a free-write about things like how dirty my crown molding is (I noticed it yesterday and it’s disgusting), but I will write.
Welcome to DreamsinAlaska 2014!