My Name is Cindy and I am a Ventriloquist

I had my weekly appointment with Dr. B.A. and her wonder dog this afternoon and caught her up on the past two weeks.  I began with a run down of how much Christmas sucked, then very predictably began whining about him.  I then told her about my excitement with elephant journal, my new classes and about the blog. I usually leave her office with AT LEAST one major ahha moment and today’s really hit home.  As I was explaining the conflicting emotions surrounding my writing and the stress I feel trying to please everyone, she touched on the importance of voice.

Anyone who has ever taken a creative writing course knows about voice.  It’s the first thing you learn and it’s reiterated in every genre ad nauseam, however in the midst of my writing mania I’ve forgotten its importance. I’ve been writing to someone, but I’m not sure who.  I’ve been trying to write for myself while at the same time trying to make it engaging enough for others to like it, appreciate it and maybe, just maybe be touched by it.

Unfortunately, by once again trying to please everyone else, I allowed myself to get lost.  I haven’t written this week, partially because of time, but mostly, because I wasn’t sure what to write, even though I’m busting at the seams with emotions and the need to express.  Hence, the dilemma of voice.  I feel a bit like a ventriloquist right now.  I’m still trying to figure out which voice is most comfortable and most pleasurable.  This is no doubt going to be a work in progress, but I’m committed.   If the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, then the beginning of a successful blog begins with a single word.  And so, I will continue one word at a time…

As I was driving home, I realized for the first time in months, I’d asked questions about moving forward instead of questions about how to survive the past.  It may seem like a small detail to some, but it felt good, and in its own little way felt positive.  And so it shall be.

clb  ♡



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