Starting over…again

I’m regressing…in every way.  I feel like I’m going backwards and I need to find a way to put the brakes on.

In my private life, I’ve lost the footing I’ve fought so hard the past few months to maintain.

I’m spending a lot of mentally energy at work to just get by.  I continue to work too many hours, but my productivity has decreased due to my distractions.

I’m not motivated to do the course work in my class, even though the class I’m currently taking is the one I’ve looked forward to since the start of my degree completion.

I haven’t been to church in weeks, and I feel it.  I’m a struggling Christian who has a desire to understand more than I do, but Sunday mornings have been the time I’ve been using to catch up (in a very half-ass way) on all of the things I’ve been avoiding throughout the week.

I canceled this week’s appointment with Dr. B.A. and the wonder dog.  I didn’t realize how much I’ve been getting from the sessions (with the added benefit of a little pet therapy) until I chose to sit this week out.  Adding insult to injury is the reason I canceled.  <I acknowledge holding my head down in shame.

I haven’t been to the gym in two weeks.  I’ve been too tired as a result of thinking about all of the things I should be doing that I’ve been avoiding.  Thinking can be exhausting.  Over-thinking can be paralysing.

…and I’m finding it harder to motivate myself to maintain the blog.  I’m back in the “thinking” more than writing mode.

I’ve lost sight of my beacon…the guiding light that was drawing me closer to the direction I need to be.

They say that acknowledging a problem is half the battle.  This is my acknowledgment.

Goals for the week of January 26:

  1. Go to church.
  2. Focus, focus, and then focus more, while at work and while working on my course work.
  3. Do not engage in sappy communication with undeserving emotionally unavailable man.
  4. Go see Dr. B.A. and get some of her Bad Ass advice for living.  Confess my sins (a little late at the moment…ha!) and enjoy some wonder therapy from the wonder dog.
  5. Compose a list of 50 before 50 (which is March 26.)  They have to be challenging, but not cost anything.  Jumping out of a plane would be fun, but I be po! Ha!  Suggestions would be appreciated.
  6. Go to the gym at least four times; I will meet with my personal trainer twice and force myself to do two hardcore cardio workouts.
  7. BLOG…then BLOG, and then BLOG some more.

5 thoughts on “Starting over…again

  1. It’s a tough time of year, being that we get less sunlight. It seems you have what it takes to keep yourself going though – as you say, knowing what the problem is is half the battle. I’ll look forward to your blogs, and news of your goals achieved! 🙂

    1. Thanks Linda! It’s been a very strange winter here. The weather has been horrible. It’s been the warmest December on record (which has been a treat) but the snow helps reflect the light. It’s been warm, but very dark, gray and UGLY. I’m sure you’ve gathered from my writing that I’ve struggled as a result of a recently disolved relationship. Darkness and men…it’s a tough combination. 🙂

      1. It sounds as though you need some vitamin D, and lots of it! I had an idea about the dissolution of a relationship, I wasn’t sure how recent it was. You may very well find yourself healing through writing – and not necessarily about that, just by writing in general. Your subconscious will come back to it naturally as long as it needs to.

        Hang in there: the sun will return and with it, surely a brighter outlook!

  2. Great post- shows your are human and as all himans we have *down* times. Grab life by the horns and fight back 😉 stay positive and accomplish all these weekly goals!! Atta girl!!

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