I must be thinking a little too much about blogging lately, because last night I even had a dream about it. In my dream I was obsessed with creating the perfect blog and in true Cindy form, nothing seemed to feel good enough.
I have a tendency to get caught up in the details of things, which often stalls my goals. Some may call it procrastination, but I prefer “crazy obsessions of superfluous and inconsequential tid bits.” This crazy detail obsession is true in every part of my life, not just blogging. Tell me to clean the house, and I’ll spend hours trying to decide where to begin and then become focused on hanging the pictures that have been in the closet for months. Needless to say, the pictures don’t do a lot to help clean to toilet or dust the bookshelves.
At work I insist on organization. I will spend evenings and weekends getting ready for big projects so every detail is in order. The “crazy” part of my process is that I have been known to spend more time getting ready to do things than actually doing them, lending credence to the question of avoidance. You would think since I’m aware of this crazy obsessiveness, I would do something to combat the situation, however when all is said and done, I’m me…a stanch supporter of making sure everything is just perfect (in my very imperfect life) as I begin anything new that may prove that I’m capable of success.
See. I digress.
About my dream…
It was a prime example of the “she’s stuck again” scenario. Remember, it took me from September to the end of December last year, to be comfortable enough to write my first blog. It’s now one year later, and I’m having a full-fledged, WordPress induced blogging panic attack in my dreams. Leave it to me to find the most original way to prove consistency in the universe. Some things never change.
In my dream I was frantically looking at other blogs trying to decide on a theme, and then I began wracking my brain trying to decide on a topic for the blog. Everybody else’s blog seemed fluid and without speed bumps. Each blog had a sweet little tag line, and every post was similar and evolved from the previous one. All of their words made sense, and I never noticed a missing comma or improperly used semi colon.
My blog on the other hand should aptly be renamed The Kitchen Sink, Brain Dump, or possibly and most appropriately, Brain Vomit. You get the idea. DreamsInAlaska has transgressed from writing about perfectionism (the day after I noticed a post in which I’d left two comma’s out) to writing enough sad Haiku to fill the puddle of tears I’ve been drowning in the past year. It’s been a little…uh…random at best, just like my life.
As I’ve continued to think about all of this today, I finally reached a point of being ok with it. I can’t preach transparency and vulnerability if I’m hiding behind the confines of a well orchestrated anything, especially when my life is nothing but a series of spinning wheels. I’m one hot mess right now, and it seems only fitting that my blog would be too.
As we begin 2015 and resolutions are being made, it’s become acutely clear that I should make only one resolution about blogging, and that is simply to blog.
If it’s Brain Vomit, so be it.
If it’s a stream of consciousness brain dump, so be it.
If I’m using the daily writing prompts of others, so be it.
If I decide to really take a risk and allow my brain to vomit a stream of consciousness brain dump, about a daily writing prompt, so be it.
I have one goal – to blog. Therefore, I shall blog.