A Heavy Load
Heavy to carry
The weight of a broken heart
A fearless journey
Fragments of Rose-Colored Nothingness
It’s not complicated anymore. It’s over.
I took off my rose-colored glasses today. And then I stepped on them. And then I beat them with a hammer.
After almost three years, my head and my heart are in unison. Their teamwork invaluable to my quest. They both feel heavy, but I know they will regain their strength. Not only have I chosen a different path, I’ve begun my new journey.
My journey without you.
My heart hurts.
Tonight is hard.
Tomorrow will be worse.
The day after, even worse.
But I know –
I will eventually find peace.
I will eventually find contentment.
And then I will find myself.
A New Sunday
I pulled up the blankets, and tucked in my head
Determined to not have to get out of my bed.
I silenced my phone, and turned of the dings
Doing my best to not think of a thing.
I laid in a sunbeam, all snuggled within
Avoiding all moments of thinking of him.
With each passing moment,
My confidence raged.
I knew I’d survive this day.
I glanced at my phone, and then looked away
Avoiding the moment of contact and pain.
He continued to wait, selfish motives in place
Yet under my covers, I failed to engage.
Hiding from life, is sometimes ok
Sometimes you just need to get through the day.
I’ll grow up tomorrow, and move on my way
But today on this Sunday, I just need to fade.
– Just Another Day –
Wow! What a wonderful few days of blogging. I have some new followers, and my most recent Haiku has received more likes than anything I’ve ever posted. It’s a wonderful feeling to know that people like what you have to say. I woke up this morning and after scrolling through my WordPress notifications and getting to know some of my new followers, I was hit with a harsh reality – be careful what you ask for, because you just may get it. My primary goal with blogging is to engage others, and now slowly but surely others are becoming interested, which now means I have to write.
Blogging has been manageable the past few weeks, however Christmas break is quickly coming to a close and I’m beginning to feel the pinch of knowing that on Monday I go back to work, and I begin two new classes. This reality has put me in a bit of a funk today. I know there’s plenty of time to do everything I need to do, however balance has never been one of my strong suits, so like everything else – the work in progress continues…
I’ve been down the past several days with walking pneumonia and an ear infection, both of which I’m sure are feeding into my “woe is me” mentality even more. The codeine cough syrup has made me sappy and contemplative, which if I felt better would provide some great writing fodder, but has only left me feeling blase’.
The good news for today is that even despite my codeine induced sappiness and contemplativeness, I haven’t wavered from a decision I made recently to end a relationship with a man I’ve been involved with the past several years. Trust me when I say, this can be tough when you’re rocking a medically induced buzz, but by some miracle I’ve managed to stay focused and not succumb to my emotional side. This is progress!
All in all, it’s been just another day –
…a day when I’ve only gotten out of bed to let the dog out
…a day when I’ve yet to get dressed
…and a day when I’ve watched far too much Hallmark channel.
…it’s also been a day for which I’m profoundly grateful for, and one I’m glad I could share with all of you.
Captured and Shattered
Stop Breaking Your Own Heart
She smiled until…
She smiled when her feelings were hurt by those she tried to console.
She smiled when she was disappointed by those she tried support.
She smiled when she was mistreated by those she treated with love.
She smiled when she was disrespected by those she showed respect.
She smiled until her core began to wither
She smiled until her heart began to break
She smiled until her soul began to die
She smiled until…